Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize
