I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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