.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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