I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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