Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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