Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
