you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
