zippers are such a cool invention
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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