kristin has been a bad kristin
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
