i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
