If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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