If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
