i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
