***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
