oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
