dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
