My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize