sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
