how can u be prego again
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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