My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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