I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
