she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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