paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
