its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
