I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
