Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
