I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
