I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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