Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
