She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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