Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
