You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize