He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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