Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
