The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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