I'd wear matching sweaters with you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
