You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
