I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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