i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
