No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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