She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
