I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
