he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
