I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
