Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
