No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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