oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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