I need to stop coming to work sober
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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