I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize