Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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