dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
