she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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