please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
