i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
