as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
