anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
