why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
