Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
