White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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