He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
