Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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