i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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