My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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