God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
